Der Ägypter Zacharia spricht über seine Beschneidung

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    • Der Ägypter Zacharia spricht über seine Beschneidung

      Wenn aus Recht Unrecht wird, wird Widerstand zur Pflicht! (Bertold Brecht)
      Bräuche und Traditionen können den Menschen an jegliche Abscheulichkeiten gewöhnen (G.B. Shaw)
      Nicht unseren Vorvätern wollen wir trachten uns würdig zu zeigen - nein: unserer Enkelkinder! (Bertha von Suttner)
      tredition.de/autoren/clemens-b…-schnitt-paperback-44889/
    • Poah! Das ist wirklich ein schonungslos deftiges, wenn man seinen kulturelen Hintergrund betrachtet aber auch extrem mutiges Statement welches dieser verzweifelte junge Mann abgibt.
      Doppelt verheerend, wenn in einer frauenfeindlichen Religion/Kultur die MGM diesen Hass noch derart verstärkt.

      Meiner Meinung nach ist die Beschneidung nur in zwei Dingen wirklich erfolgreich:
      1. Die Sexualität negativ verändern (wobei die männliche natürlich noch viel stärker betroffen ist als die weibliche)
      2. Einen massiven Keil zwischen die Geschlechter treiben (sowohl auf physisch-sexueller, wie auch auf emotionaler und gesellschaftlicher Ebene)

      Der Mann bräuchte wirklich dringend kompetente, professionelle Hilfe um dieses gravierende Trauma verarbeiten zu lernen.
      Was er in seinem beschneidungseifrigen Kulturkreis leider wohl kaum finden wird...

      Jeder der noch zu behaupten wagt, MGM sein im Vergleich zu FGM relativ harmlos, sollte man dazu verdonnern sich dieses Video reinzuziehen!
    • Dieser Film ist in der Tat ergreifend. Ich stehe in Kontakt mit diesem Mann, er hat mir schon vor Wochen angekündigt, diesen Film auf youtube veröffentlichen zu wollen und hat mir gestern den Link zugeschickt.
      Ich bin immer wieder zutiefst gerührt, wenn ich seine Nachrichten lese, diese tiefe Trauer und die Verzweiflung, die oft aus seinen Worten spricht, sind schlicht erschütternd.
      Dabei denke ich vor allem an die Mauer des ungläubigen Schweigens und des Unverständnisses, auf die er stößt.
      Ich hoffe sehr, dass die Angriffe, denen er jetzt als "Nestbeschmutzer" ausgesetzt sein wird, nicht zu schlimm werden.
      Vor seinem Mut, angesichts seines kulturellen Hintergrundes dieses Medium zu wählen, bewusst sein Gesicht und seine Stimme zu präsentieren, anstatt anonym nur zu schreiben, kann ich nur den Hut ziehen.
      Wenn aus Recht Unrecht wird, wird Widerstand zur Pflicht! (Bertold Brecht)
      Bräuche und Traditionen können den Menschen an jegliche Abscheulichkeiten gewöhnen (G.B. Shaw)
      Nicht unseren Vorvätern wollen wir trachten uns würdig zu zeigen - nein: unserer Enkelkinder! (Bertha von Suttner)
      tredition.de/autoren/clemens-b…-schnitt-paperback-44889/
    • Zacharias Leidensgeschichte in Textform:

      "Message from Circumcised Young Man to History & Message to My Mother"
      Video Tape Link : youtube.com/watch?v=IqsK14axa0w
      ----------------------------
      in the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

      my name is Zakareya .. Egyptian young man .. I'm 23 years old.
      after my recording, lot of people will comment on my words.

      some of them will describe me as a "crazy person" and some of them will describe me as i'm only a "sensitive person" and some people will describe me as a mentally,neurologically or psychologically ill or that i have a behavioral disorder or mental disorder and some people will describe me as a fiddling man and some people will make fun of my words and make it a laughingstock and some people will describe me as a perverse and freak and perhaps it comes with some that they accuse me of disbelief or atheism.
      and a group of people will describe me in an uncountable descriptions and accusations and some people i know will stay away from me when they watch this recording and some people will ask me to defend myself but i will not defend myself .. God will defend me. and some people will sympathize with me and feel my pain, some people will believe in my case and some will support me.

      i don't care for all humans on the face of this earth. i have nothing left to lose in my life. i direct my message to history because the human race will not be fair on me but history will not forget. i may say the words in my recording for the first time in my life and i may say it for the last time in my life. i will talk in my recording about a small part of the pain i suffer every single day but rather every moment in my life. and this is not the first attempt to record .. because everytime i record, i can't hold my tears

      i was a normal child, intact, i didn't suffer from any diseases or problems, i won't say i was an angel, but i was a normal and peaceful human being, i didn't carry any feelings of anger or hatred towards anyone, i was a smart kid and my family envied me for my intelligence, i was superior in the study.

      my father died when i was 6 years old and i loved him so much, i was loving my mother,sisters and brothers and i had hopes and ambitions in life, i was completely a normal person and my relationship with God was good and i loved to pray.
      i memorized 10 parts of the Quran and i loved going to the mosque. i loved God.

      and one day when i was 10 years old my mother asked me to go out of home with her, when i asked her where we are going she said we are going for a short journey and we will be back home right away, i agreed to go out with my mother because i trust her and i feel safe with her, because i know she wouldn't hurt me and wouldn't expose me to danger for any reason.

      we entered a hospital and met our older brother and greeted him and then we sat on waiting chairs for a short period. i asked my mother why are we here but she didn't respond and she said we won't be late we will back home right away, and i knew from my mother that she paid 75 pounds for hospital but i didn't know why she had paid so i kept silent because i didn't feel danger

      after a while my mother and brother gone to an employee sitting at office and they talked to him. i didn't understand what they were talking about but i was stunned when the employee
      asked me to take off my trousers, i was shocked & refused and kept silent Then i looked at my mother and my brother. i wanted to ask them why that man is asking me to take off my trousers and why you don't protect me from him so as not to hurt me, but they kept silent without a reaction. then the employee suddenly reached out his hands to me and took off my trousers and my underwear by himself to see my genital.

      i got more shocked and felt fear and insecurity, then we sat back on the waiting chairs. i begun crying and telling my mother i want to leave this place but both my mother and brother were silent like if i don't talk or crying. after a while a doctor was coming out of an operating room and he told my mother that he is ready

      i didn't understand what he was ready for .. i didn't know ..

      and my mother grabbed my hands and said to me "go with the doctor" and i refused and cried so hard until the doctor grabbed me from my hand and brought me to the operating room and locked the door. that time i started crying severely with tears. i was shocked not knowing what to do.

      there were 4 people inside the room, a young doctor and a nurse among them held me
      and strapped me down to a bed. there was an elderly doctor on my left and a young doctor and a nurse in front of my legs and another young doctor on my right.

      i was crying, screaming and calling my mother but i found the elderly doctor ignoring
      my crying and my tears in cold blood and giving me anesthetic injection in the back of my hand. i was still crying.

      after taking the injection i felt dizzy and started to lose my consciousness a little, i saw the young doctor and the nurse taking off my trousers and my underwear and spreading my legs. i felt them holding my genitals. i started to stop crying from the impact of anesthesia. i wasn't able to move my limbs at all. i wasn't even able to move my eyes but i felt everything. i felt great pain while they were starting the surgery and cutting off my genitals

      i completely lost my consciousness minutes after the surgery started, the moment i lost my consciousness was the worst moment in my whole life, i felt that i had lost everything in my life. i lost safety, confidence in my mother who i was always knowing she would protect me from any danger and harm, and that she would risk her life to protect me. i felt intense rage, intense desire for revenge and i felt helplessness that i can't protect myself. i felt horrible pain, i felt i lost my virginity forever. i lost so much values in my life. i lost the value of loyalty, honesty, trust and love.

      moments before i lose my consciousness i prayed to God to make this moment the last moment in my life. i prayed that i don't wake up from the surgery except in my grave.

      i lost consciousness and when i woke up few hours later i found myself lying on another bed. my clothes was gone and i was wearing only a Coftan (long full robe). my mother and brother were on my left looking at me. the first word i said after i woke up was "mama". i called my mother, i was wishing to ask her :
      "what did i do to hurt you, what did i do to you when i came to life to hurt me and leaving me to those 4 people to rape me, slay me and kill me in cold blood ?"

      why .. why mom ?

      but i kept silent because i was in intense shock .. i kept silent and didn't say anything. but i knew from the moment i woke up .. i knew i will never be the same again. i felt like i died and the person who woke up was another person, not me. i felt that Zakareya is dead at the
      moment he lost consciousness.

      the price of raping and killing me was 75 pounds. since this day everything in my life changed to the worst. my relationship with God worsened because i felt God stopped protecting me the day i was in hospital. i stopped praying and i began to move away from Quran and mosques. i felt lonely and began to be introverted and moving away of people.

      at age of 11, i was once praying the afternoon prayer and i prayed to God to let me die. it was the first time in my life to pray to God to let me die. i was feeling unbearable intense pain in my genitals when i was entering the bathroom

      with the passing days i felt changes in my body as a result of the surgery and precisely in my genitals. it was changes that never happened to me before. i knew it was a result of what happened to me in hospital. its shape was changing when itching in my underwear, it was very painful, i was annoyed of that feeling but i didn't know what it is. after a few years i knew that it's a state in the penis and that it's called erection and that it increases prematurely, noticeably and increasingly in the circumcised person once any small friction happens because it is a very sensitive part and uncovered and is being itched easily.

      during preparatory stage after nearly 3 years of what happened to me at hospital i began dream horrifying dreams. one of these dreams was that i was on a top of a mountain
      and suddenly someone behind me pushed me away. i started to fall off the mountain and it's length was too big so that i even kept falling off until i woke up while still falling, i woke up trembling from the fear.

      another dream, i dreamed that my brother held me, throwing me in a big pan with boiling oil. i was crying of fear and i woke up with tears in my eyes.

      i dreamed a horrible dream that i tied up my mother and all my brothers and sisters with ropes and i had a knife, i was cutting off their genitals and then slaughtering them, and on another dream i was cutting off the 4 persons genitals who raped me in the hospital.

      until the end of preparatory stage i didn't know what has happened to my body and i didn't know how did they hurt me. but i knew i will never be the same again. i knew my life in future won't be good.

      when i reached high school, a lot of psychological problems and disorders appeared in me without clear reasons. i hated my mother and my sisters, i was beating my little sister, dragging her from her hair and i was always calling her a "devil". i was and still feeling that women are devils and that they are the origin of evil on earth.

      i felt pain, injustice, defeating, powerless to protect myself and i felt that women raped me and killed me. i always feel a weird joy when i see or hear about a female in pain or violated or being raped or killed.

      i can't bear when i hear a baby crying, sometimes i cover my ears so that i can't hear his cry, sometimes involuntarily i feel cramps or trembling and shiver in my body. those cramps were increasing when i see a child crying or being beaten or in pain or when i remember the day in hospital. sometimes i couldn't cry because of the intense pain.

      since high school i began feeling a continuous intense pain in my stomach for no reason. until today i feel pain in my stomach nearly all the time, i began losing my appetite to eat until i hated food completely, my weight and tallness stopped increasing since about 8 years almost to the day, i started sleeping a lot because the only time my pain disappears is bedtime. but i can't because i have insomnia since many years, sometimes i try to sleep for more than 5 hours, everyday i sleep with insomnia or with my stomach pain or with my tears. once, i tried to sleep after 12am midnight but i couldn't sleep except after 7am. i was in the bed for 7 hours trying to close my eyes even for one moment but i couldn't. until it became normal to me if i slept after dawn or after 9am.

      i can't sleep on my back because this is the same way i was sleeping at hospital therefore i always sleep on my left or right side and it causes a terrible pain in my side. the pain could last for days because i sleep on it all night. i also can't spread or open my legs when i'm eating or sitting on a chair or sleeping, if i opened my legs unintentionally i remember what happened in hospital and feel more pain.

      i noticed i always involuntarily sleep while putting my hands inside my underwear covering my genitals, i couldn't sleep or feel secure unless i put my hands inside my underwear, i felt i'm trying to protect it from danger, from people who want to hurt it and cut it. but i know no matter how much i tried .. i can't protect it because they already hurt me. and this increases my feelings of disability to defend myself and i get more pain when i feel that.

      in the Quran there is a verse i don't love to read in Surat Al-Baqara, called :
      "Allah is Aware that ye were deceiving yourselves in this respect and He hath turned in mercy toward you and relieved you"
      just because the word "deceiving" (Takhtanoona) is close in pronunciation to the word "circumcision" (Khitan) i hated verse, even though the word meaning in verse is different. and i hated Surat Al-Nisaa (Women) in Quran because it's called "Women" and speaking about women, so much so that i was about to remove Surat Al-Nisaa pages from my holy book but i couldn't.

      i hated everything related to the crime which have been committed against me. i hate the word circumcision(Khitan), sometimes i cry a lot when i hear this word, i hate the word purification, i hate doctors, hospitals, medicines and everything related to medicine, i hate knife and scissors, i always hide scissors in the home so that i don't see it, i hate all cutting tools, i hate all people, i even hate wearing the Coftan i was wearing in the hospital.

      when i grew up a little and knew that in 7th day of baby birth they celebrate by committing this crime against the child .. i hated these celebrations whatever the name of those celebrations was.

      when i saw a female i felt terrible feeling by the anger and the intensity of hatred towards women like there is a nuclear bomb inside me explodes and eliminates earth, sky, all planets, stars and everything. a horrible and painful feeling that i can't ever describe by words. i tried to hurt people in my life in different ways more than once. so i decided the more i hate a person the more i try to help him so that i can ease hatred and anger feelings inside me. a decision that maybe described by some as an insane decision but this is the solution at all

      i reached to a stage where i hated Islam and hated the idea of religion. many times i tried to kill myself and commit suicide in many ways but everytime i was failing because i know my soul isn't mine, it is God's. i reached to a stage where i wished that every breath enters my body is the last breath in my life until my breath itself became a burden on me.

      my life turned to a terrible painful nightmare that i wish in every breath that it ends and my life ends with it forever, i dreamed horrible dreams that i hurt my mother, my family and people who raped me and killed me in the hospital. but i will never hurt my mother or anyone in my life because i don't hurt anyone. no matter what.

      i lost trust in my family, all people and doctors, i even lost trust in religious scholars who i used to love, i always imagine people as predators looking for money by any way even if it was through killing or rape.

      my view of people is that they are all liars.. all people are liars in my eyes .. all people

      i read about this crime thousands of times and read thousands of facts, i knew that Jews are one of the main causes of this crime, i knew that circumcision leads to sexual lust increment to a large extent until the man turns to sexually addict. and i notice it in myself. and this is one of reasons for the spread of rape phenomenon in the world.

      women hurt their boys and when boys grow up and their sexual lust increase, women accuse men of sex addiction despite that women are the cause of all men sexual problems when they committed this crime against him. and this crime leads to genitals dryness and cracks on penis appear until the man suffers impotence (erectile dysfunction) and he then is forced to take sexual stimulants like Viagra. therefore, in the interest of pharmaceutical companies to let this crime continues so that their profits increase at the expense of millions of children every year.

      also this crime increases doctors income especially in the U.S, i read that American doctor's income increases at least $60,000 dollars per year for committing this crime against children.

      and when i knew that the foreskin cut from penises are used in women's cosmetic surgeries .. and used in making facial creams and sold at very high prices to pharmaceutical companies .. my rage and hatred towards women increased more. they hide the truth for money. all of this for money and profits. a dirty planet full of liars and full of lies.

      "They invoke in His stead only females; they pray to none else than Satan, a rebel. Whom Allah cursed, and he said: Surely I will take of Thy bondmen an appointed portion And surely I will lead them astray, and surely I will arouse desires in them, and surely I will command them and they will cut the cattle' ears, and surely I will command them and they will change Allah's creation."

      during high school stage i started hating my genitals so much because i felt it's a symbol of people's injustice to me. everytime i went to the bathroom or changed my clothes or revealed my body for any reason i was remembering what happened to me in hospital like a video scene in front of my eyes and i cry. i started to read about this crime which is committed against me and my body and i knew what i have lost in that day. i knew that what i have lost will never be restored again no matter what happens, no matter how much i tried.

      once, i was sitting in my room crying intensely i tried to hurt my self .. i brought a knife, took off my clothes and tried to cut off my whole penis. i cried severely but i couldn't do that. i then prayed and slept from intense pain. i hated study and my school grades were low in every school year

      once, i had a private lesson but i refused to go. my mother & brother talked with me to convince me going out but i refused. when my brother told me what do i want i told him "i don't want her" and pointed at my mother, i was trying to speak about the internal pain i have and my feelings of injustice and oppression. it was the first time in my life to try to talk about what happened to me in hospital. but he didn't get me, he suddenly hit me on my cheek and cursed me with a word i never heard from him in house before.

      my introvertion and being away of my family increased since that day, and i never talked with anyone about my pain. i failed in high school final year and repeated it. after that my final grades were too low. i entered college with many of psychological and neurological problems

      i joined Geography department but i started to fail again and i also failed in the repeating year, then i failed for the second time, so i submitted petition so that i don't get dismissed from college in my university. after that i converted to psychology department. however, i failed for the third time and this is my 6th year in college, i still didn't graduate from first study year and i may soon leave college forever.

      lately, my brother saw me with tears in my eyes. he asked me what is it and i refused to answer. when he insisted i told him it's a problem that he and my mother are main causes of. we called my mother and i talked to them both crying intensely, it was the first time in my life i tell them. i was hoping they feel my pain, help me and fix their mistake. but my mother said she didn't do anything wrong. but she apologized only to urge me to stop crying. i tried to convince my brother what happened to me is crime and that they caused a huge damage and harm to me. they harmed me psychologically, neurologically, physically and sexually. i told him to read about this crime and he will know everything. but my brother response was "Okay, i will read" but he said it with laughter and mockery. my loneliness and pain feelings increased more. i knew that no one is ever going to feel my pain.

      among talking with my mother, she said "if you are sick,i can get you to a doctor for treatment".

      that sentence said by my mother is exactly like a secured young man sitting in his own home .. and 4 thieves, 3 males and a female broke into his home. he told them : "take what you need from the house but don't hurt me" but the 4 of them stole all his home contents then they raped him, took out his eye, cut all his limbs and cut his genitals then they told him :
      "we are doctors, we will sell your eyes, limbs and genitals and take the price for ourselves" and they took his eyes, limbs, genitals and all his home contents and they left leaving him drowning in his blood, missing all his limbs, his genitals and blind. Once, when the young man moved to nursing home because he became helpless, blind and lost his limbs .. the 4 theives(doctors) gone to him and offered him psychotherapy after what he have been through at their hands of rape, amputation of all his limbs, cutting his genitals and turning him to a blind man. if someone could ever imagine this young man's feelings of defeating, helplessness, injustice,pain and self sorrow at that moment, will know how did i feel when my mother told me this sentence.

      my mother tried to convince me that this crime distinguishes between muslims and non-muslims but the truth is, christians commit the same crime
      and claim the same allegation. and jews commit the same crime and claim the same allegation. and people of religions who don't believe in existence of God are committing the same crime and claim the same allegation. even some African tribes who don't belive in God existence are committing the same crime and claim the same allegation. i learned that it's all lies to hide the truth.

      after that my mother said if you need to get married, i can get you married. but my problem was not in marriage, although i was surprised at the sentence, i expected it because those are women, they make man sexually voracious monster by raping and amputating him when he is young and when he grows up, they offer him marriage because he became a sexually voracious. when men sexual brutality increases, women accuse him of raping them and that he does not think of anything but sex. but the truth is, women raped man and infected him with this chronic disease that will never have a cure. and i chose to not live in such injustice and that no female will touch my body for the rest of my life.

      my mother and my brother were trying to convince me this is the right thing to do for more than 2 hours while i'm almost collapsed from crying, after that i slept and both of them did nothing to help me. after that day my mother was trying to talk with me about my problem asking me to forgive her. once, i told her if she want me to forgive her she must fix her mistake and help me in every way to return intact again even if the possibility of me returning intact again is completely impossible. at first she refused and said i have excess electricity in the brain but when she saw that my psychological state is worsening she agreed to go with me to a doctor and ask the doctor for a solution or a surgery to restore what i have lost in the circumcision.

      when we gone to doctor and asked him, he replied sarcastically and said :
      "so, you want us to remove your thigh skin and stick it onto your penis ?"

      i was shocked by his answer but i expected that because my trust in doctors is not-existent. and i know they will never say the truth. i didn't reply him back, and kept silent. when we left, my mother tried to convince me that doctor is right, like if she proved her point of view and that i do not have a problem and that all what i suffer from is only delusions and psychological illness, and that i got to go to a psychotherapist.

      my mother described my pain, injustice, defeating, helplessness to protect myself and sorrow for myself feelings and all physical, sexual and neurological problems which happened to me during the whole past years that it is only delusions .. and psychological illness.

      i refused her words, when she saw me crying she said a sentence that shocked me, she said ..
      "you are crying over a piece of skin ? i swear if i knew that i would circumcise you when you were a baby so you won't remember anything"

      i was shocked by her words, it was the second worst moment in my life.

      the sentence my mother said is exactly like .. a father decided to rape his daughter when she is a baby so she will not remember anything of her rape. methods of rape are different .. but the result is one.

      that night it was the last time i talk with my mother about my problem. that night and because of my mother's sentence i decided not to forgive any person wronged or injured me. in that day i decided to end my ancestry on earth. that day i covenanted with God that no female will ever touch my body and that i will never get married until the last second in my life. before that day i had a willing to try to treat myself and try to live a life .. that people call it a "normal life" but it is not a "normal life" for me. i had a willing to coexist with my problem, get married and try to forgive who wronged me but after that day i lost every last hope inside me

      since that day, my hatred of women generally and mothers particularly increases every day. every person hurt me or contributed in injuring me or contributed in hiding the truth in any way will be my opposer before God at the day of resurrection. and doctors, or as i call them "cannibals" will be my first opposers before God at the day of resurrection and i will retaliate them first.

      after a while my middle brother asked me go out with him but he didn't say where to, but i agreed but when i saw that we reached entrance of psychiatric clinic i got it and got upset and shrieked at my brother. i told him if he repeated this same attitude again i will never forgive him, i then left him and gone back home. later, i learned that my mother is the one who asked my mid-brother to bring me to the psychiatric clinic

      my mother hurt me for the second time in my life, because when i gone with my brother i remembered the same day in hospital and felt more pain. after a while my older brother tried to ask me to go to a psychotherapist. he said i have "imbalance in brain chemistry" and that i need a "chemotherapy". i got more sad, felt more pain and i refused his request

      after that day, i refused to allow anyone in my family to talk to me about my problem. my family members who knew about my problem described me as only a "psychologically ill" except for my little sister. this is a main reason for my introversion and not trusting anybody and socially moving away of my family.

      lately, my older brother got married, that time i prayed that his child will be a girl because i hated male births because i knew if the child is a boy he will suffer the same crime (circumcision). God accepted my prayers and after a while my brother fathered a girl

      after that my sister got married and pregnant, i prayed to God for the second time that her child will be a girl. God accepted my prayers for the second time and after weeks my sister knew she will give birth to a girl

      some people might ask .. if i felt so much pain and suffered all those many problems, why men who have been victims of this same crime don't have problems like me ? .
      the answer is simple. "does not feel the grace, except for those who were deprived of the grace" and i was born with a grace and was deprived of it when i was 10 years old.

      my crying is not a weakness, it is a complaint to God from people's injustice against me because i can't complain to God and express injustice, oppression, self sorrow and pain feelings with words. because there are no words to describe my injustice and pain feelings

      they killed everything beautiful inside me, they have taken away everything beautiful from me

      i lost my study life, i lost my career after education stage, i lost grace of marriage, i lost grace of children, i lost my relationship with God, i lost my virginity, i even lost my shyness which was the best thing in my personality

      i had a wish when i was young to be a mathematician, i didn't wish to oneday record a tape and talk about the worst incident in my life.

      if this is Islam then i'm an unbeliever, unbeliever in Islam, unbeliever in all divine religions, unbeliever in all prophets, unbeliever in all divine books and unbeliever in Allah(God). but this is not Islam, my religion is not a religion of blood, my religion is not a religion of rape, killing, slaughter and adultery.

      some people heared my story and told me "not only you were exposed to this inustice and harm". that sentence makes me feel more pain, oppression and helplessness to protect myself more and more, i don't feel any better when i hear it, but i feel more pain, sorrow, injustice, desire for revenge and more of helplessness feeling to protect myself.

      my little sister whom i was beating and insulting asked me how to help when she knew my story. if you want to help me, write my story, spread my message and translate it to all the languages of earth and deliver it to every human on the face of earth.

      if you want to make me happy protect your boys and girls from this crime

      i hope whoever saw this recording from my family or from anyone knows me not discuss this subject with me or try to convince me with anything .. no matter how that person is close to me

      if anyone still don't know what i'm talking about .. the next video scene will tell everything ..

      i cried .. and i couldn't continue recording, this is my picture at young age .. i didn't know it will be the last smile for my heart.

      i don't wait or need any compassion or sympathy from any creature on the face of this planet

      it is only enough that .. i'm honest with God .. honest with myself .. and honest with history

      i forgot to mention lots and lots of parts and painful scenes in my life as a result of this crime committed against me .. what i forgot to mention of suffering and pains during my different life stages to this moment is much more and greater painful than what i have mentioned in the recording ..

      when i asked my mother
      "how did your heart get so cruel to do this to me?"
      she said "i didn't do something bad to you, you make me feel like i committted a crime against you"

      a message to my mother :
      "if you offered me thousands of billions of tons of gold to compensate me of only 1 millimeter of this "piece of skin", it will not be enough to compensate me of this 1 millimeter i have lost, and i will not accept your offer .. and i will not forgive you."

      after my older brother watched the recording we talked with each other for a long time and my brother finally realized the unlimited harm caused to me, he apologized to me for everything, he asked me to forgive him and i finally forgave him.

      as for my mother, after she watched my recording she still doesn't realize the enormous injury and damage she have done to my life. my mother still thinks that what she have taken away from me is only a "snip" .. only "a piece of skin"

      in past few years, i reached to the extent of deciding to sue my mother in the court even if it resulted in entering my mother into prison ... but because i will not hurt my mother i retreated from that decision ..

      instead, i decided in future to sue butchers (doctors) who raped me with pleasure and sue the hospital which welcomed destroying my life, raping, killing me and completely ruining my life.

      11-May-2013